found a bike today

Went to my neighborhood bike shop today and found exactly what I was looking for. Not cheap but not fancy. I'm really happy that I found exactly what I wanted - solid single speed steel bike with bullhorns so my palms face each other but I'm not leaning way down. I'm also really happy I did it without any help from men who want to or used to date me.

Sure it's not the best time to shell out the cash, but my bike is too small, not me and kind of a money suck when I never wanted to keep it in the first place. When I rode this bike it felt so perfect. I need that in my life right now. I'll take 2 wheels and some wind in my hair. thanks.

Itchy Fingers

Sometimes I go to a store online and pick out everything I want as if money wasn't something I worry about. Just to see the end price tag and get out of there fast.
Currently I have Jeans that are frayers and sneakers that are worn out. No interest or time for bargain hunting. So I have itchy fingers.

pretty

I was on the train coming home and found a sweat next to an old lady reading a book and wearing a rather fetching winter hat. She looked like a tough old bird. I found her inspiring and busted out my book. I paused and let my eyes wander around the car. To the left of me was a knee and calf poking through a huge gaping hole the length of my arm in a faded baggy pair of jeans. Curious I look up and there is a boy about 17. He was surrounded by his skater punk brethren. He was looking serious and clutching a record in a music store record. They all were. They were quiet and subdued. Must have been a full day of playing hookey or something. He struck me as a good looking kid. Nice sort of Roman profile, kind face. I gave myself a crooked half smile when I got the urge to lean over and say "what's a pretty boy like you doing with a giant hole in your jeans, hmm?" I was on the edge of doing so, but didn't. I half wanted to be the crazy leary lady on the train. Wouldn't that be fun? Where oh where do I get those ideas from? I'm a shade too sane and shy to do it, but my it entertained me. It may just be a matter of time.

It was a good commute home.

A Bender

I was given a gift card today, one of those cards you use as a credit card but it only has a set amount on it. So after work I went to Borders and I bought some stationary, then a calendar - not just any calendar however, a Dirty Dancing calendar. With that score I was gaining momentum and I browsed the literature aisles and picked up Middlemarch and Dostoevsky's The Idiot. I put them down among some romance novels when I realized I needed something modern and not quite so dense. 'Sides I'm already reading Nabakov, too much Russian back to back then. I have to parcel that stuff out. So I picked up two Murakami books. A little dip East and South of Russia. There was a girl reading in the corner right in front of the Murakami books. She didn't move as my glove dangled out of my big orange parka and created shadows on her book. Now I wonder if she was dead. I could be one of those people other people yell at, "well how could THEY not notice she wasn't moving in a crowded downtown borders?!" oh the humanity! I think she was a painfully unhappy teenager who's mother abandoned her in a corner and she was reading and marking time before she could run away to Sweden where her online boyfriend is.

Anyhoo I love Murakami and I figured I could leave them for my mother when I was done. I don't like to collect books physically, just on a list in the internetness. I cleared out my books when I moved to a small apartment in Brooklyn and it felt freeing. Then I saw another book, a memoir by Gore Vidal. He's a naughty clever kitten so I picked that up and immediately thought of a friend who would like it too. Murakami and Vidal will be my cozy train mates as I go home. With that settled, I now have 13ish dollars on the gift card that I'll wait until I have to pay for something almost exactly that amount so I feel like I beat the MasterCard gift card system. I felt rich, I felt like other people must feel when they shop. It felt nice, but like most drugs, I can't afford the high.

Part 2 of my bender took place at Walgreens where I picked up a box of macaroni & cheese, chocolate/peanut butter, and a Dr Pepper. If I wasn't a Diva Cup girl there would be a box of OB in with that assembly.

Now my belly is sooo full and somehow the powdered electric orange cheese hasn't inhibited my ability to type.

The End.

cookies!

I just discovered some lovely new music to get depressing with or bake cookies with.

whichever

http://www.myspace.com/singingsirens

Art and Snow

Saw the Jenny Holzer exhibit at the MCA last night.

Wow.

It was intense and wonderful. An assault on the senses that distilled violence, fear, power, yearning, loneliness. I love her work so much. I usually turn away from art that's about this kind of heavy stuff, but not in her case. She makes it relatable to me.

I'm so glad I went even though it was windy and snowing hard and the Michigan ave bus was packed and cranky and barely moving. I would have been better off plowing through the snow in my sneakers then smelling a mystery fart and reading a Vogue the woman sitting close to me was reading.

Also nice about going on a weather watch day was the MCA was not packed but sprinkled with dewy young art students even though it was Free day. I wanted to gather up some skinny bespectacled, bearded art students and hold them close and smell the dust in their hair and the hope and pomposity that clings to them with hints of coffee and marijuana. It would be an enjoyable high I know, but like wildlife in the park, I should leave them alone so the next person with an unrelated to semi-related job and a BFA can enjoy them too. That's just being responsible.

Lighting my way

This weekend I finally made my way to Home Depot and bought a replacement light cover for my bathroom. Not as cool as the fugly cover shaped like a clam shell, but what can you do?

Shell cover RIP

I also bought some energy-saving light bulbs for the kitchen. I had 2, 40 watt bulbs in the fixture as a temporary fix and it was too dark for a kitchen. I like a kitchen to be bright and cheerful. A seemingly simple purchase. Well I bought bright sunlight blue lights and that was a mistake. It is the worst florescent harshness possible for a kitchen and it make my pasty skin the pastiest ever. I'm afraid to find out what this lighting does to brocolli. My basket of apples looks like a dead purple color. It is cold and morgue like. No good! I hated it immediately, but the thought of getting on 2 buses in the cold and going back to Le Depot for light bulbs is unappealing. So I decided the solution was paint my kitchen light cover the first acrylic red I found in my laytex paint box. This looked as terrible as one would think. So I then cleaned (most) of it off. I guess I need this process to accept the fact that a cold bus transfer for some stinking bulbs is in my future. I had to go through a rash form of denial. I hate shopping for this kind of crap. I like to leave my house for work, socialness and exercise. Other than that I wish I had a drop box for all my worldly goods. I do however enjoy going to a hardware store when I have an excuse to buy hardware or tools. Gazing at the shelves of options becomes a beautiful communion of possibilities. Tool time is what I want Home Depot for, not light bulb mistakes.