See You Next Tuesday

I'm reading Tropic of Cancer and I will finish it but it's getting challenging. I find myself rolling my eyes a lot, but maybe that's good exercise for my astigmatism. Miller's is frustrating me with his love of himself and his hand-to-mouth existence. It's a self-congratulatory piece of work. Every man he knows is a fool and every woman is just a space for self-congratulations when he's not at his typewriter. He likes to eat and fuck, but I doubt he can cook and I doubt he's bringing much pleasure to the women who provided him a warm space for his self-expression.

The thing is though, he's a good writer. He's a great writer even. Smart and interesting. Not very structured, but that's all part of his charm. It's so annoying. A thoroughly unlikable protagonist who is the writer of a good groundbreaking book. This book makes me think of Bukowski who is also the writer hero of man's underbelly but at least Bukowski admitted weaknesses. As I'm reading I get little flashes of book discussions with guys who brought these two writers up. I get a look eventually that shows a space between me and the guy I'm talking to. A look where they want to say, "you have no idea how profoundly brilliant, violent and sexual dominant I am because I've read and identified with this Bukowski" but they don't want to upset my delicate feminine self so they just hint at it. And maybe they're smart to do so. I've read them both and if I think you are jerking it to a Bukowski rape fantasy story, I will be repulsed. There are woman out there who love that stuff, but that is not my cup of tea. Maybe they were trying to figure that out. I don't know, but it's icky.

Anyways I think Miller is a liar who believes himself but is also a great writer with some good timing. He is also reminds me of Dante, who was also a smug little shit as he wondered around the inferno with Virgil pointing out everybody elses wrongs while he gets to sail off to heaven to high-5 God and his girlfriend.

I want to find the female equivalent of these dudes. I'd like to read that. If Miller wants to think of women as dumb hunks of meat to put his dick in, fine. I'm just asking, where is my counterpoint? The writer version of Liz Phair responding to the Stones. Maybe Doris Lessing? I dunno. I think it's yet to be written.

When it is written. I'd buy that book and read it 6 times and then put it on my best books of all time list.